You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
