there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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