I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
