I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
