I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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