if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
