just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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