is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
