Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
