I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
