I want to make a zoo with you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
