i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
