Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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