good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize