My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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