O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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