i already hear my dad disowning me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
