i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
