somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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