Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All the doctor said was why
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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