So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
