One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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