I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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