my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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