I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
