I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
