My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
