btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
