is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize