I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
