the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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