I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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