it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
