he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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