This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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