Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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