Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
God, I missed his penis.
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