he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
