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my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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