I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
