just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
