he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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