Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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