Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
