please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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