tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
