I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
