And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
