Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Less talking, more tequila
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
