hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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