its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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