Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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