So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
