He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
