Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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