The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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