i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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