Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
