i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
