Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
