i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
