Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
