he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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