haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
