THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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