dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
