my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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