All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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