Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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