Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
