Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
