Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she smelled like a LAN party
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
COCAINE IS GR8
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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