So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize