dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
