just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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