Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
